Monday, October 24, 2005

revision and Hari Raya celebation holiday...........Nothing much to me except i';ll be having more rest.

The Holiday had started...i felt very boring...Though I should've study for my final exam but i don't have the will to study. last week I went to KL to regain my motivation from my most trusted friend but it was useless cause I don't actually change...I still very felt bad and unlucky about my computer...I was thinking that i am very stupid in any decision I made this year...I didn't think Hundred times before i made a move...i could list the mistakes I had done what the use of the list...!

My computer

What I did previously...i played games...my computer cannot support any games and too much applications in the same time. i don't think it worth to pay +/- RM1700 for a stupid computer like mine...I always need to restart like every hour i need to restart because it hang all the way when I just started to get exited about my computer...so I just use the computer to listen to music-westlife(the only potion of enhancement to make my computer a little bit and a little bit and a little bit useful), read comic- a soft copy which i bought during Matrics...I did used my computer software Window Movie maker to make some stupid clip entitled the stupides boy...It's boring...no one in this world-I think would ever touch such program during their free boring time...I'm the worst.

Food...I'm the stupidest guy in the world because i don't have any courage to stop other people from taking opportunities on me...in term of food...I got my mini useful fridge, rice Cooker-can cook other meal also, and a water heater...except the water heater the others two are illegally brought and use in my room...I bought my stock like

1 chicken sausage 6 packets (rm12)
2 5 star chicken Bolona (rm 7)
3 3 Dozen egg (RM6)
4 can Food (RM18)
5 Fish Ball(RM4)
6 Soup Powder(RM10)
7 a pack of biscuit(rm4)

total more or less rm61...

That's what I remember and I had shared with Dee who wants to eat together...So, the cool product are stacked in my mini refrigerator and the other in my locker...that's not the problem ok...Actually I cook rice almost everyday...depending on my mood and time and also my stomach. But my roommate always ask for food...and also Dee roomMate Erik-the most uninteresting person on earth...It's ok for sometimes but everytimes is too much...one more thing I don't like my roommate-Brendan to use my spoon especially when I just started to eat and Erik the most uninteresting person on earth always ask water from me-I mind about water cause it is hard for me to got to the office of my college just to take filter drinking water from the water dispenser-I don't to drink my hoster toilet water, the smell bad and has the chlorine taste...Well they think i am the utm orphanage room founder? no way.....They have more money than me cause they got JPA scholarship. they ought go outside eat...they just lazy...As for Dee I don't mind cause he is trusted and had share upon the food...Damn...the Fasting month really get me mad. One day I'll fight back mentally and get their emotion disturb because I had mentally disturb now...seriously...

One of my friend from selangor will be coming to my place...Ben...He want to drop by as he is going to Singapore for The world Games...I forget the title of the fucntion already...he message me three times to assure that he could stay with me but I don't reply! The reason is I also had asked him wether I can stay with him or not if I went this December but he never replied...serve you better Ben...but i am not that bad, i'll reply as soon as i reload my phone...but i'll delay it...

This holiday, i decided to study...study and to master calculus and soil mechanics...I hope I'll do it...

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Im getting tired of myself...

^Tina^- I felt myself are getting tired of her...she always excused when i wanna play SMS with her.

I already confessed to her that I like her in SMS. She told me, she likes me as a friend...but nothing much happen except she began to reply my messages more frequent than before...

the truth is I'm easily get bored to things...but i hope I won't this time....Or maybe im the one who get tired of myself.

What happenned to me??????

Now Im sitting in my room typing this...ya I got new PC desktop. actually i hate my desktop....I think im the stupidest human in the whole world who always make decision without ensuring that i wont regret it one day. Well I think everything i do should be a mistakes. I don't want to talk about it....I'll keep in my mind. I hope that I won't have to keep the hatred to myself for such problems for a very long time or else i'll suffer.

~I hate to talk about my Desktop, so i really hope anyone of my friends won't ask me about my desktop...or else i'll lied...What I lied to my friend...Teck and Brian please forgive me...message me if you forgiven me and understand the condition of the boat i'm standing in. So i said to them I had a RM 1700 new PC destop with Intel Pentium 4 3.0Ghz instead of telling the truth which is intel Celeron D 2.53 Ghz...

this was the point why I lied to you guys...got one time when i met them in KL...Teck asked me about Jeffrin...I told him nothing much and also i mention that he bought a new Laptop with Celeron Processor...when he heard that he laughed because of the word Celeron...He thought Jeffrin was stupid for buying Celeron...but the most annoyed person was me...ok, I deserved this...so I just lied him...to hide my stupid Desktop and also to take care of my dignity. Brian also asked me the price of my PC...when he heard RM1700 he said it's waste so I just lied him that it is pentium 4 to calm everything...by the reaction of my most trusted friend, i know I made a big mistakes...but actually i knew it from the beginning, Im sorry dude...sometimes I feel the comfortable lie is better than the hurt truth...both of them had bought Laptop, Teck with his RM4288 laptop but i forget the processor maybe intel Pentium 4 2.8 Ghz and brian rm2000 plus for an AMD sempron...both are powerful computer...They bought laptop because they wont be spending the four or fives years in University as teck will move to ha hospital in the third year and Brian will go to German in 2007. Actually with my price of Desktop i suppose can challenge their computer easily because the fact that desktop is more powerful that laptop...again I feel so stupid....

Next is 512 mb RAM instead of the 384mb Ram...Then a DVD combo instead of two BenQ cd rom (weren't this stupid) but one is CD-RW...also, I said I had no graphic cards but actually I had which is useless one call ASUS and I don't have any idea what the magnitude of it's power or memory...That's what i lied...but to complete my statement about the truth of my computer is it have a Dell 17" monitor...(they forget to enclosed the power cable together with this product so I had to buy my self RM12- cow's Shit! i could eat three days for that amount of cash...) then Samsung Optical Mouse and Samsung Keyboard...(I don't think I need such branded accessories, they had nothing for me to proud of..what samsung but for mouse and keyboard-man was like the dumb ass butt hole...) and one stupid speaker that I think the noise that it made had broken my dignity in front of my friend...My CPU is PERX- i don't know what the hell brand it come from...I also have the useless Floppy drive...I won't use it...never because I don't need it anymore...everyone is using USB Thumb Drive. The CPU have a lot of USB (I don't know what to call it.) But that don't measure as a good computer is it?...I know...

so it is clear that my computer is the useless one...maybe those who don't understand would say "it's ok larrr as long as you have one." hey before you said that to me, you better think twice because I'll make thou mute forever...know why i dare to do that? because I can't even play games...my purpose of buying computer is to get myself up to date upon the Games World, I don't want to be stupid like before but now I had become one...and forever...I guess...but I hope God will help me...another things is the benQ CD-rom is not responding well to my CD...damn and i never use the CD-RW...(I asked for the CD-RW but I didn't use them-stupid isn't it?) The CPU get hot easily in the short time....and sometimes when i open music files with winamp or other files, it'll hang.............

Well i'll stop the craps...let me write something nice and memorable...I went to Kuala Lumpur Last Weekend (14-16 october) to visit my friends- Teck Fui and Brian Chia. I took a bus to go there and it took my RM 25 and also 4 1/2 hours to reach there. I reach Pudu raya and few mintes after that i was fetch by Teck Fui and Christine. They brought me to Sungei Wang to eat my dinner as they already had theirs. Christine looks very cute as before. I observed that they are a really happy couple-without sexual intercourse between them.(Teck told me lor...) but what I know they were both my good friends. Then we went to Christine hostel(apartment) in IMU to bring her back and me and teck continue back to his U and we took LRT for both journey. then ,We took UPM bus and I wear his roommate matric card to pretend myself as a UPM student and that's the best way I could go back to UPM by the university bus. We take away our supper from the food court of UPM (small one) before we went Teck's room. I met Joshua - teck's Roommate, the nerdy, doctor to be, Johorean boy. Nothing much we do that night just sharing stories and play Need For Speed Underground 2...and I knew few things about Brian from Teck Fui.

The next day we went to Mid Valley after we fetch Christine at I forgot the road...Nothing Much at Mid Valley...Christine had her shoping "unspree" buying food and daily necessities at Carrefour. We also called Kenny Yapp and Jeremy Dean to come with us but only Kenny can come. He was a very nothing change person. we go around Mid Valley and it's quite boring...We had our lunch there - a Chicken Pot rice...RM 5 each person without beverage. Ok lar the taste good lar but the chicken pieces were almost bone.

Then we went to Berjaya times Square...Nothing much over there but I'm interested to the playground at the highest floor-they seem have a Roller Coster but i didn't play. Another thing is the Wet-Wet Shop-a few sexual toys are sold there. Pretty Arousing fo me whom I think myself have a great sexual desire.

Our next destination was the Low Yat Plaza- a computer plaza. everything is bery cheap and a lot of promotion. Seeing the price and the ability of their products makes me hate more to my Computer...It is a big crowd there, I lost my friend few times, but handphone is very easy. Ohh ya I forgot to write that I just bought a new...new battery for my old but very useful and understanding phone for RM 25 without warranty. Nothing much in Low Yat Plaza except the digital devices.

It is almost 4pm when Christine wanna make her way back to hostel. teck accompanied her along and I did say Good Bye a very important word cause we'll never gonna meet again for a very long time. So left me and Kenny, we went to Sungei Wang to wait for Teck to come back and also Brian to come...He was having his Practical at JMI.Teck come back earlier and we find Tomb Raider Game pak but it was very hard to find one and the price is not fair, RM45 and the shopper dare to admit that it is original. Holy cow, he is not gonna fool me. We met brian at almost 5.30pm. as Brian went to a wrong place. Haha...

Then we had our Dinner at one Chinese stall. Nice and quite chear. We shared everything...Before this teck told me that Brian had a girl friend already and he isn't a virgin anymore...damn, I was so left far behind. but Brain never mention his girlfriend...Perhaps he don't trust me and Kenny... ahhh who care. but the fact is fact that I never move a step further than Teck Fui and Brian...Kenny isn't in my list. As from Brian story he is very success in almost everything he had done.

we had a walk at KLCC...just walk cause everything was very expensive...We had a break at Burger King of KLCC. The nice things over there is you can refill your drink anytime and many times as you can take. So we drink a lot. Then we walk again. I saw a small stall selling a cute Teddy Bear...I was about to buy for ^Tina^ but I don't think I can't affod to buy a small teddy bear with cost of RM15. Over all, at KLCC is very boring if you walk with someone who is very economical. There's a lot of Coffe Bean Shop there...

From KLCC we took a bus to Petaling Street...they said it's a horrible place where you can see a crowd of bad people selling fake stuff and pirated DVD...Brian Said he wanted to buy a DVD to watch tonight...I thought he mean a Pornography DVD because what can you expect from a young man mind...but I was wrong because he choosed a scary story DVD- The Cave...for RM 8. But I still think he actually wanted the Porn DVD but he didn't dare to ask because we didn't support him from behind when dealing with the Chinese DVD pirate. After that Kenny left us with a good bye...He actually fail in matriculation last time, Now he's taking Foundation again in a private Education institute-UTAR.

now the Problem for the 3 of us...Me, Brian, Teck Fui...We didn't have bus to go back to UPM.(Brian also planned to stay at Teck Fui room for a night) so after a long wait, we plan to take the LRT, Teck Fui tell the other UPM students who were waiting for bus. But right after that Both teck Fui and Brian run to the LRT station...I just follow...

It is quite thrilling when we pretend ourselve like being chase by something...we took two LRt before we reached the place that i forgot the name. There we find a 7-eleven shop to buy food for supper...I paid the expences because before this both of them paid for my LRT fair. I just wanna be fair.

After that We tried to catch a Taxi...We got one waiting Taxi but he demand for unreasonable price-RM10 instead of the usual price RM5 according to Teck Fui...Both Teck and Brian didn't want. I gave a stupid idea which was walk to UPM. they didn't want neither. The taxi driver lowered the price after a few minutes bargaining but only RM1 discounted. So, the ass hole taxi Driver was not our choices...we just waited and we got another Taxi for RM6. easy...and thank god. I still didn't understand that I could come out with the idea of walk to UPM...It's pretty embarassing for me.

At UPM everything was OK...I used Brian Phone to take my photo few times. We had our bath and right after that we tend to watch the DVD-the cave...but both Teck and Brian were keep busy comparing their laptop. So I just sitting on Teck's bedroom playing with Brian's Phone. After a few hours then they played the DVD but unfortunately it couldn't be played...I kept on reminded them that if we bought a pornography it migh easily can be view for our entertainment tonight...but they just switch to the other old DVD. We had our own supper and abot an hour later I went to sleep because the story was so boring.

The next morning i woke up at almost 10 am and I prepared myself and waited for them to get up...Joshua woke up first and we had a simple snack for breakfast...thanks to him...I never thought that i'll had something to eat that time-and i really need food to recharge myself...At almost 12.30 pm both the bright friend of mine woke up...and they were surprise when they knew the time...We had our lunch at Marry brown which is very near to Teck's hostel and I online there using teck's Laptop. We ordered three burgers and a meal...which consisted of three pieces of chicken, potatoes and salad...it's Salad was very good... but the chicken was unfair as they already asked for breasts but we were given one breast, one wings and a drumsticks. Brian wanna argue but everyonw were cool down after the waiter said the don't fried any breast anymore...Damn them...a sort of stupid lie cannot fooled us but what could we do. so we make a deal, who took the breast will eat less potato and salad...and I was the one.

Unsatisfied, we headed to the food court which a bit far from Teck's room to have our second lunch. But this time we were full after just eaten the half of the meal. i sponsored myself and Teck a can of coke because Brian already bought for himself and teck's ever did the same to me when I first reach UPM (Burger).

after that teck lead us to the bus stop before we parted and Brian and i were on the way to KL...in the bus I got Ben's Phone's no. i did chat with him. I hate to chat with those who already forget a friend because he cheated me few times...but I might use this boy one day...

In KL, Brian straightaway brought me to the Petaling Street for me to buy a new sport shoe. I got a fake one with the price of RM60 after much bargaining and i spoke chinese to gain hospitality of the chinese sales assistant...He kept on confriming me that it is a good one...but what i knew was it's a fake DC brand shoe. I actually didn't want to buy but i can see Brian was in rush, so i just wasted my RM60 for the uninterested shoe...I am stupid all the time.

Then, we went to Pudu Raya and i bought a ticket. I got a 6.30 pm departure...so we still have a lot of time. Brian waited for about half an hour before he said good bye to me...I was alone waited for the time to come...It is very hard to know the bus so I kept on asking and during the time a man shouted "Johor-JOHOR". Then he asked for ticket...I gave him my ticket. I saw one chinese girl with her Chinese boyfriend who were actually keep on wrapping hadn on each others. So they don't give the ticket eventhough the asked from them. I didn't care much about them...Then the man asked us to move to outside to get the bus...I wonder it must be the Traffic Jam that causes all passengers had to move to the bus instead of the bus stopped at the terminal. I got a sit with a nice view but i and no one sit with me...
a few short moment after that, the chinese girl i mentioned just sat beside me because no more other seat. then one man who seem like the bus conductor asked the man who was shouting just now "is it she?" then the man replied "yeahlah". Then I understand this stupid easily untied loop.

The journey me almost 5 hours...i kept my attention to the road because i was afraid that I might passed Skudai Parade then i'll more for cab.
I asked the chinese girl beside me about the route by talking Chinese...I asked it too early then...I actually have to wait until we reached the toll plaza before I should asked the Driver to stop. I thank her few times lorrr...

At Skudai Parade, I took a Taxi. But the Pirate Taxi didn't want to bring me back utm if not one more people joinning...then a woman who seem like a lecturer also want to go to UTM. So there's the last journey by taxi and a woman. She got down at the 9th college...and I alone with the Taxi Driver...nothing happen actually...we just chat he was promoting about the air ticket that one could easily book from him...when I reached my hostel I asked for his phone number to convince him...I paid RM6 and it was quite cheap compare to the official taxi. Now in my room I can see brendan doing assignment and I can see my healthy but useless computer sitting on my table like waiting for to use him...I played song then

In my room I have to rushed myself to do some VB work... the time was about 11.30pm...i need to passed the file to Jenny at the girl's block and the alarm bell ringing out of manners that night, i saw Sherrina,an indian friend with another indian girl was at the bus stop, she couldn't stand the noise, when i reach there the bell stop, so I was like the bell stopper,i guess!. After passing the pen drive to Jenny, I went back to room and all black out...I called Tina to tell everything...It was not much that night...but i feel that i hadn't feel fulfil by my journey to KL cause all i could see the dark side was more significance...God Please help me....

Test result...

It was bad as i thought because I didn't study for it...For calculus i only managed to get 12.5/25 for test and 30/50 for carry mark...too bad. Soil Mechanic no news but I could make assumption that my 2nd test wont be good...or even medium...English...I got 54.5/60 as carry mark...that's not enough to help my other more important subjects...VB test-computer programming...this is my subject but it's getting tougher as chapter going and I need computer to practice...since i don't have it before so i just borrowed from friend and paid more attention in the class...when I already bought this computer...it was too late because i don't have the chance or I don't make the chance for my computer to be installed the VB program...The test was hard but Im lucky because it is open book test...still it is very hard...so i only confident to get more or less 60/100...I hope for more...Yaaa..VB program assignment...previously, the lecture wanted us to form a group to do assignment...the chinese boy wanted me to join but i declined because I was afraid that i will be no good to them...so I got a group with one chinse girl-Jennie(she's elegant but you can see her price if you want to court her...) and one Iban girl(a humble not funny girl)...we needed one more member...so i recruit Hisyam(short malay boy but useless) and we chosed OPTICAL IMAGES as a topic, the programm was to solve any optical equations, we learned them in form 5 and matriculation....over all i was still useless in the team...Jennie acted like the Leader...and it was nice...I did some job but at the end it was mostly edited and corrected by the two girls...Hisyam whom suppose to be my helper didn't do anything...cause I did his job before him as he delay the works most of the time. So what Hisyam actually did was compile the printed project source code with the printed interface pictures of the program...during the presentation, everythings went well because the program runs very well...as my part-introduction and Mirror images..I used the combination of races to promote our group as the perfect group. Haha...but what i concern is i still don't know what mark I get for VB...I hope to get good one...'A' was my dream...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Sunday Already....

Now I am sitting in front of "Virgino" yeah that's his name...my stupid computer has a cool name..."Virgino or Virginia" I think he is very useless...forever...Behind me is my roommate playing hot computer game...He already installed Counter Strike Condition Zero, NBA , Football, WarCraft III- reign of choas, warCraftII-Frozen Throne, General...all are hot games. I really want to play games...He with his powerful RM268 Graphic Card installed acer desktop computer never be boring yet could concentrate more on study after playing computer...well Me, haunted by stupidness, regret, sadness and all negatives emotion that suite me...never going to play game...

Actually Aunt Angie suggested me to upgrade my computer that I got from her friend for another RM750...Damn! it's too much, almost a K, I'm going to eat my own shit if I waste another K. I hated myself and the stupid relative i have in Johore...Why ...let me tell a story

Whenever I am sad I'll do anything to replaced the dissapointment that happen to me...that's me...

So, since the weekend that i asked Aunt Angie to find me a good computer specilised in gaming...I smell that i had make big mistakes...but I trust my relatives. they are the only group of people I could hope for help...so that's it...Uncle Clay is the best i could anticipated with to find a cheap and good computer...but he said Aunt Angie (His fiancee lorrr!) could find for you...I just nodded "ok". The budget I told them for the PC was less than RM2000. She said she'll find...

so after the weekend over...I didn't get anything because the time was too short...so I waited for another weekend (6-8 october)...So I went to Aunty Jay's house on thursday, early right? because on Friday I don't have class anymore- I already dropped the Survey Engineering Subject...So Louis seem very happy to see me again...but this weekend I already planned everything so we (Lance, Louis and me) wont be boring. the thursday night went just like another night...on Friday...we went to swim in the pool near by where Ian and Janet work in. I paid for all of us-RM21 and I bought RM9 tight...expensive but I hope all of us enjoy, I hope I would be meeting Ian and Janet, it would be easier to deal a cheaper price or even free but they were not there...so,this would be the first and the last I'll use that big sum of money to spend on others need...I hope so...moreover, Lance and Louis are the only two guys I enjoy being together...we had our swimming race, (which i won) stamina race (I lost to lance), wrestling between me and Louis but lance didn't seem interested. we had our hot water bath and eat Nasi Lemak and also SPA...

We swam unto the fullest...After that, we went to Aunty Flocy's house for a night...as I planned...we brought two nice Honeydew for Aunty Flocy...I don't want to come with empty handed. it is my pride. We went there by taxi...So we met Alex-Aunty Flocy's boyfriend for the first time...I only read about him in Aunty Flocy's Blog but this time get the whole picture of him...He is short like what Louis mentioned to me and lance at the first place when I come across to ask them to join me to visit aunty Flocy for a night...He got a totally Dusun face...he is humble, nice person...but to be truth ..I can see that he never show any confident...truly Dusun of Sabah. he is UTM student too but taking master in Information Technology and suppose to stay College 1) but he stay in Aunty Flocy house...Good cHoice- both party could see each other always and he actually have class only on monday and Friday...that for staying in the hostel being lonely like me...

First thing I did there was to see the mini fridge...it was in the unoccupied Uncle Law's room...it is till ok...I could see a cute memorable stickers was sticked to it door. we washed it...The evening come with simple but healthy dinner...two big bowl of vege and salad table soup with chicken meat and also scramble egg, I even had the chance to eat "TUHAU"...and chillies...nicer than if I were in Aunt Jay house...most probably we'll eat outside...not nice...Aunty Flocy keep reminded us to finish everything...but we cannot finish the soup...it's nice but It's too much...so we end up one bowl only and one more was kept for supper or tomorrow. Next we, play card game "BIG TWO"-chUo Tai ti(I don't know the correct spelling). Alex said he don't know how to play that game, so it is only us without him playing at first then suddenly he said he knew this game just the name confused him because he use to called it "Main Pass" in his area previously. We laughed out because of the simple and logic name that they named to such thrilling card game. we also had supper-biscuit with coffee...Lance and Louis seem like will definitely horribly die if they drink coffee so they just drink 1/8 of their glass...later on...i told them I had to stop to study as on Sunday I will be having my test...

So I was studying when they were still playing and they continued the night by watching "13 ghost"...uglyly distrated me to watch the movie...it was a very terrible movie...everything was out of my interest. So, i concentrated on my study on the dining table which if you turn to right you can see the tV show...I also did Sms Aunty Angie about my computer...She asked me to prepared RM1600, I was quite happy cause the price was lower than my budget...then i asked her what the goodness about my computer...she didn't replied and I smell more fishy....

After the story ended all of us got sleep...The next morning Aunty Flocy and his boyfriend woke up earlier...three of us were still lying on the bed...I could rise early but I stayed lying on my top there on the unbed mattress to read some of my Calculus...Then Aunt Flocy called out for breakfast...so we had our "take away food" which they bought from outside just now...I never they had been outside just now...the morning was finished by watching a touching movie..."The Fire Flies". It was about a boy with his sister struggle to be independant to live as orphan during the world war 2...but I am not sure why is it in Korea...And eventually his sister died and he lost of motivation and guts to live. finally he died...and his ghost told the story...the connection of Fire Flies....were when the two child move out from their Aunt house, they try to live in a cave nearby...so every night, they could see a bright beautiful scenary with fire flies happily flying their light in the darkness. In the morning, they saw all the bugs died...when the sister bury them...it remind them how their mother was bur in the same condition-one big hole digged on earth and all the dead bodies were buried together. for me the movie was nice but I don't like the unhappy ending despite their hard effort to live...

Yeah Im not sure the time I received the SMS from Aunty Angie about the computer... Im absolutely not comfortable with the statement of Intel celeron....I don't care about the how much Ghz it have...but the "Celeron" really broke my anticipation and keep awaken and aware...of a good computer... I told Aunty Flocy about the Celeron word...She said it was a mistakes, she told me to asked Aunty Angie back why was it not the still greatest Pentium 4..? She called me and said I must take the computer because her friend already bought it...I felt that was trapped, so I have to buy the computer without my favour...what the hell was this...I tried to tell here that I could get a better PC in Taman u for lower price, but she replied that it was true but the graphic card might be a low standard one...so that's give me an idea that my computer was for gaming...I was a bit relief...then I ended up with ok...how stupid was this University student...I asked for free stuff but got negatives returned...then I asked to add Cd-Rw but I had to add Rm98, i thought the CD-rw would be useful so i say yes...But then I received a call from her again said they will send it tomorrow...I was twisted because i already told them that I had test tomorrow...She just replied "alahhhh, then we will send it to you in UTM"...overall I was not fulfil with the computer but I still have hope because i already mention to them that i want a computer that can support game, she also mention that the graphic card is Asus...so i still manage to switch myself to not to care much about the processor type or to accept the Celeron as long as i can play game...furthermore, there's nothing best, I could do except to say ok...if you notice that i just say positive to everything they wanted or instructed...

First reason is because I could see that myself and Uncle Clay is not good...there's problem, everything was very cool..so maybe if i make my move to approach him, we'll get better...so i asked him to find a computer for me...but he told me that Aunty Angie could find for me...it was ok as long as it is near to him, and yet it would be convinient for him and Aunty Angie if i dont acted any choosy attitude...the second reason why i just say yess because I felt that it was my fault to asked them yet they were not as free as i thought...they needed to go to work and play game-KO.....there's no third..


we Had lunch...another type of soup...I could see that Aunty Flocy have a well planned yet healthy diet for every meal...some more three of us had our complete meal in their house. at 3 we were given errand to buy RO water...the Taxi's fairs was RM10 two ways and the water only cost about rm5...so the Taxi's fair was far more expensive...outside we bought the stuff earlier but I can see Louis began to show his bad behaviour because of boring...he rise his voice, show his uncomfortable face and acted like dont want to be respondsible upon the RO water...we took a taxi and inside I quarelled with louis to entertained the boring air of Saturday afternoon...as usual we keep our volume up...after about 5-10 minutes the Taxi Driver remind us stop to act like a small kid-shouting in the car...Damn...I was quite embarrassed with Lance sitting in the front seat just keep quiet...for louis, I didn't care what he felt but me...20 years old already...urghhh so I stop the play...

we reached there, I did show revenge some unsatisfaction on Lance...but it was over in minutes...then we played badminton, the shuttle cocks flew few times to the outside region of Aunty flocy's hOuse-means to the neighbour compound area...we just played...then we took a taxi to go back to Aunty Jay's house after thanking and said good bye to Aunty Flocy. I stayed there for awhile before I went back by bus...

I was very sad because again i didn't get anything from this weekend...I hoped it gonna get my PC tomorrow...I stopped at City Square area and get my left arm tatooed...RM60...I'll do anything to replace my sadness...It wasn't hurt that much...the fat indian guy use a machine that seem a bit rusty and dirty to do the tatoo...I might have HIV in my body...I choosed a medium size of "Sonico"- as i named my tatoo. he took 30 minutees to finished them...during the making...he keep giving hint about the price...but I just shut up...I don't want to bargain the price before the tatoo done...cause it'll effect the quality of Sonico. so that's it...i have a tatoo for RM60...

I try to get a bus but didn't get one...so I just waited...then only after 2 hours waitting i got one...but only reached Skudai..i cost me RM2.30...it's ok then...rather than Taxi rm20...but I don't know the road so I just got myself relaxed...'

Finally the bus stop at Kulai...Huh! ...I don't know where was Kulai and how far was it from UTM...I asked the Taxi about the fair to UTm...it surprise my heart a lot ...RM25...as much as from Johore Jaya to UTM...but this Good Taxi Driver suggested me to take a bus and drop at Skudai Parade...I wished he'll get a good income for the rest of his life...then I followed his instruction. But this time I ensured myself to asked the bus Driver to drop me at Skudai Parade...The Bus Driver reminded me that how am I supposed to go out without knowing the road...Huh! he was right, I was very angry of myself for being so stupid...The bus costed me another RM2.30..

then at Skudai Parade...A Taxi Driver costed me RM8 to go to my hostel. I spended too much money that day...I came back with Empty handed instead of A graphic Carded pc and a Mini Fridge which I told my roommate-Brendan about them...not only empty handed but also empty brain instead of full of calculus methods of solving and some rumus...I was to die by tomorrow tests...

Next Morning(Sunday 9-october 2005) I had my test I knew that i could solve them...I was quite happy because it wasn't as hard as I thought...because I had the idea to solve most of them...so the test suppose went very well for me...

after test I had my break lunch at Cengal...to celebrate that I could answer the Calculus test...I went to my room and SMS Aunty Angie to asked when are they going to get my PC and mini Fridge here....it was a very late reply until i get myself asleep...

then I received one sms which she asked me to go to Johore Jaya...do You have any idea how hard is it to go to Johore Jaya from utm...the reason was becauseuncle Clay didn't know the path to UTM...I told her i don't know the road and also it took me two bus to reach there...but they seem like forcing me to go there...so again I obeyed their wishes...as to respect them and I want to finished all this problem as soon as possible...I don't want it to be delayed again...and I also message them that i'll bring back the stuff by taxi...because I didn't want them to send me back to UTM...I just didn't want...after what they did to me.

So I took a taxi which Costed me RM25 to Taman Molek back to Aunty Flocy's house...i did called Aunty Flocy before I reached there...there, I just wait...Aunty Flocy was with Alex watching documentary channel of Astro...they were eating Guava. then after about 20 minute...they came.

I was a bit happy, because the problem gonna end here...this was the time where Uncle Clay and Alex meet each other too...so because of me,..Alex meet more of the Family members...Aunty Flocy should thanked me for making the process faster...hahaha...why was i laughing, though i still don't know what's going to happen to me next...then they asked me to follow them follow them...they were so purposely stupid because the things That I want to bring to UTM was a mini Fridge and Pc...they pretend that everything is fine though their car, white Kenari won't fitted me in or both of the stuff, yet I already tell them that Im going back by my own but they seem don't react to that point...I gives a reason that the car don't have enough space and I add up i don't know the road...I also remention that I'll take a cab to go back...i can see uncle clay was pretending to ask me to follow him as he took the map of Johore...damn...it's actually easy to get there as the map show them obviously, At this moment, in my mind i'll follow him if the asked me one more time...but then he asked me to take taxi with a 'small smiling' face that not looking at me...

Ok then...so i was right, he just pretending to be concern about sending me back to UTM...fine...I already thought of this and it's my plan A not plan B...means I prefered it to happen like this...After paying the PC for RM1700 and get them out of the small Kenari, i call a Taxi...I can see Aunty Angie was very happy counting the money...she wated to give me back the cange Rm2 but I just say no need...I was so stupid because i used to do that..., Aunty Angie Suggest me to play "Strong Hold" cause I'll get crazy of it...then i was so sure that I could play game with this computer...I was happy about it...hoping to play as sooner as possible...

It costed me another rm25...I asked Brendan for help..to bring the stuff up to our room...then I started to plug in the cable and everything...with brendan just watched me, thanks then cause i just need that...he was checking the PC...he keep on saying my PC was powerful though he knew it is Celeron...he keep on searching for the Graphic Card Manual...he told me that the Graphic card was not there...I didn't care him cause I knew it was suppose already being installed in my CPU...so I continued with the plugging...then things become bad when I noticed that the power supply cable for the monitor was not there. I sms Aunty Angie and she just asked me to search in the plastic bag which i already did hundred times...so I try to solve this by Calling Dee who was still in Taman U to buy for me...i almost asked him to buy a wrong type of cable...because my computer use the cable which plugged from monitor to PC...so it costed me RM12...Damn...my loan was never enough if such situation keeps bothering me...

So I had to wait for Dee to come back...he said He'll reached there by 7.00pm...but He came at almost 9.00pm because he was having dinner and chat with his Church GirlFriends...ok then, Though i was a bit angry. So, I tried my PC for the first time...brendan keep on saying "Power oo!" Ass hole him...so Virgino was switched on for the first time...it doesn't show any problem however not any speciality...I tried to check the configuration for Graphic Card but didn't find one...there's nothing to do with the computer so that night i just take my rest and get ready for tomorrow class...as I had presentation and Slide show to be done...oh yeah I also tried to installed some games that lance borrowed me but the discs seem already broken...

My english group didnt give co-operate during the discussion so I took the respondsible as a group leader to do all the slide...but Erik seem no to give me any of his file...I was a bit angry of him...maybe he wanted to do it himself...Fine i'll let him helping himself...damn!

I was supposed to do the presentation that night but i fell asleep on my bed without doing any slide show...but God loves me more than I thought because I was awaken by his power of holy spirit at 5.30 am, Thank you GOd, Jesus Christ...so i did the Slide show...I did a simple one...but informative and easy to understand...but I didn't do Erik part because I don't have his file and i thought he'll do it..

the monday morning started with Calculus class...the lecturer distributed the rumus for exam and also some note of The syllabus that was not in the book...after that i asked my group to gather at L50 to practice for presentation. I also asked Dee to bring along his Laptop..to my surprise and anger...Erik didn't do anything for his presentation slide show...to control the situation I asked him to write the introduction on one of the slide...only that...i think it's enough but there should be more....like example of the issue...Oh yeah our group choosed the title of "Soil erosion and ways to prevent it"

But before our practice started...our english lecturers Mdm Siti Aishah asked for aid to carry the LCD projector, Laptop and all of the stuff for presentation to the classroom...she needed two person...none of my group were willing to help...so I told them to continue practice as i would be helping the lecturer...

I helped the lecturer to bring the devices up to the classroom, luckily UTM building are all networkly connected...it is easier to reach there...my group members were there already when i reached there...the lecturer asked for someone to help her to set up the presentation aid devices but no one seem to react...I could see her helpless face...but i'm helpless too because I truly don't have any idea how to set up the tools...but finally the lecturer was help by two chinese boy...why didn't they emerged to help earlier...ok then It was not my problem...

the presentation started by a lame Malay boys group...their presentation was dully witnesses by us...then the second group was my group...so it started with Erik....but the slide showed some simple animation of word like what the Power Point ought to be with some sound effect...very stupid...too common...in my group only me and Erik wore ties Dee and Jeffrin didn't...So Erik started the introcution with a stammering english spoke by him and only one slide then continue by me for the causes of Soil Erosion...I was so confident cause I know what am I supposed to say but overall for my part It's not enough...not powerful enough not clear enough...the Dee proceed with the effect of soil erosion. He just reading the slide but interupted by mdm Aishah's few questions...i took the chance to defend my group instead of Dee...Then finally by Jeffrin talking about the ways to prevent soil erosion......he didn't did it well...he was hopeless as he used to be...but I can see he tried his best, i also answered the mdm Aishah's question regarding to Jeffrin's part...over all our presentation went well...but not enough to satisfied me....

then the activities continued by two more group which was very boring...lastly the Lecturer came with a conclusion by crediting our group as the best presentation group of the day....I wasn't happy about that...but feel better because the burden was over...

nothing much happen that day until the next day on Tuesday..(11 october 2005) I installed a game "Never Winter Night". I just wanna try my Graphic Card....To my surprise and to keep sort of the not even long story, it didn't support at all...I felt cheated...I straightaway message her...asked her nicely because i thought i must had missed to change some of the graphic card configuration...i didn't received her messges immediately...until the next morning (wednesday)I was awaken by her phone call saying that my graphic card is for 2d game... arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

I was cheated...it was clear as the crystal blue sea and as obvious the five star grade of pornography film!!!...so according to her my processor couldn't support 3d card...so she suggested me to add Rm800 more to upgrade to Intel pentium 4 + plus Flat Screen monitor, DVD combo, 512mb ram and Radeon graphic card...I still remember those were the things she mention to me in the telephone, she also said that she'll mail me the bill and asked for my email address...I have nothing to said except i'll consider it... sadly i was very stupid...but that not the end of my unfortunate...yeah as addition on tuesday i got my Calculus result...only 12.5/25...i made too much silly mistakes...i was very unlucky...

I wasn't sure about the day...I checked my mailbox and I received the bill from Angie maria...ooo...that's the real name of Aunty Angie...then I realized that the upgrade stuffs weren't like what she mentioned last time..it was to add Rm750 for upgrading the processor to intel Pentium 4, to add better ASUS graphic card and also 512 ddRam...I was mind-twisted by this. So, I messaged her for confirmation...but didn't get the reply that time...

have my one moment I received her call that she was confuse why i was asking about the price and the flat screen and DVD combo...she asked me wether i had checked my e-mail box...then I mentioned about RM750..then she was like not sure about the price...damn what was this...!!! ok then I just said I'll think about it...

so everything wasn't in the good condition...ok..I was very unlucky this year...I finished a lot of money for nothing but a stupid outcome...almost everything...I don't know what to do to replace such disappointment. i just couldn't do anything. During my visit to UPM...I did told Aunty Angie that I can't upgrade my computer this time because of financial Problem. So i asked her what type of game does my computer's graphic card support...I never heard from her since that message...so i could concluded that My computer is not for Gamer, it was for nothing good...It was a mistakes....hurt me thousand times....sometimes i feel better for me to commit suicide...I ever think about this few times not only for this cases...but I don't dare enough or the my disappointment was not worth to be paid with my death by suicide....!

I cannot stand well to tell my friend about my computer...because the price was too much for such low standard computer. whenever my friend asked me about the price...when the hear the price they'll ask why was it so expensive...to stop the topic I'll rise my voice to show unhappiness and said please don't mentioned any other computer you know to compare with mine...I already suffer too much regretness and I don't want no more...Thanks they understood and stop the conversation straightaway.

Monday, October 03, 2005

I'm Loaded

My loan have been bank in... So im loaded with depths already. but I wonder why do I got only rm 3400....including my balance . I had use rm250 for nothing..in Aunty Jay House...I bought two new GBA catridges-madagascar and soccer 2005. yet I planned to buy computer...budget is rm2000. buying a computer causes me lost more than half of the loan. damn... I asked uncle Clay and aunty angie to find for me a good computer. I hope i could get a good and cheaper. I want to use the computer for games and assighnment and also to learn more computer programmes that my previous computer at home had not able to support.

yesterday something stupid happen...I went to aunty Jay house since Friday cause it had been about two month, i didn't visit them. nothing much change....lora-a bit taller and little fatter but her face seem dirty and untaken care baby---tired faced----but she still happy and playful----She could remember my name as 'GILLOT' instead of Gerard, Uncle Law and Aunty Vianey have a job....a very good news....Uncle Law doesn't seem likes to play computer games anymore...he is very respondsible already, but aunty vianey still play sometimes when she wasn't working. On the other hand, Loius is still the same...playful,talk a lot and big...Lance....self-conscious as he used to be but he got Girl Friend that dare to tell him that he is handsome. He had grown taller a bit since two months..I don't like this....-----He'll be having PMR for the next two weeks....Best luck for him though he never study...Never...his life is SMS and game and looking at his images in the mirror.(more actually but this is what i see) ....uncle Desmond and Aunty Jay dont seem like having a job... no it's obvious they don't..anyway Lance told me they are searching...well all i can see that they spend more times in front of the computer playing Knight Online and also Dota Online (War Craft III : Frozen Throne) than on the bed sleepng....Aunty Jay always give me a big mysterious smile when we meet....it's seldom anyway....

I actually wanna go back on Sunday.... I asked Uncle Clay to send me take to UTM with the fridge and also the my New Computer....but Aunty Angie could n't find a good one in the mean of time....So it'll be settled down next weekend...Only the fridge is in my mind...the fridge is in Aunt Flocy house...She asked me to stay overnight in her house but I declined because i planned to stay at Uncle Clay's house...On Saturday afternoon, Me, Loius and Lance come to their house played PS2...Damn I lost every games especially Tekken 4...shit....anticipating a revenge one day.....then at the evening they brought us out to eat dinner....Chicken and pork rice---very nice...then Aunty Ann called them that they were now at the front gate of their house.....then words like" don't have salary yet!" come out from aunty angie....I was twisted....then they took us back to Aunty Jay's house..In my mind, I thought that Aunty Ann was there to take money as Uncle Clay had lend money from them, Lance also agreed with me...I confirm uncle Clay to take me back to UTM tomorrow evening...I also confirmed by SMS-ed to Aunty Flocy that i'll come tomorrow evening....

The next day when uncle Clay come...He asked me is Aunty Flocy in her house, then I told him that I already told her that we'll come....then I called her to confirm....And NO...NO...NO she wasn't in her house...she was out with Aunty diding....though i twisted again Why Aunty Diding was here but all I care is the Fridge. I tried to solve this problem by calling Lance to asked aunty Vianey is Aunty Flocy house's key was there...then he replied - wait for a moment...with a short gap of time he com back with NO.....Damn...Then I have to say sorry to Uncle Clay for such 'technically-management problem' I got down from the car at the Bus terminal near JJ square about 300 meters from Aunty Jay's house- very stupid right?...I thanks them but i feel bad for causing their time wasted....a bit tension i went to JJ square to buy GBA game pak...it's me...stupid- whenever i am feeling bad or dissapointed or stress, i'll always spend money to something that is not beneficial...While looking at the Madagascar and Soccer 2005., I received message then I turn to right to take my phone from my right pocket and..I saw someone familiar--more people that very familiar.....It's Aunty Flocy and aunty Ann with her children and Ian, having drink in JJ square. Their table was very near to me...and somemore i received messages form lance telling me that the key is actually in the house, he ask me to come to the house to get it...two solutions come later..when everything is concluded already...damn. in no timeI bargained for lower price for two catridges...but it took about 5 minutes before the shop dealer agreed...I got RM70 for two catriges...damn it's money wasted...and time wasted...aunty Flocy and the others who didn't realize that i was there were about to move...after paid, i rushed to them...first aunty Ann who was very surprise to see me there....then I told Aunty Flocy everything....So everything will be settled next week....huh....Aunty Ann who actually didn't understand and misunderstood rising her voice in the shop...Aunty Flocy tried to calm her moreover no time to explained they need to go as Aunty Diding Flight was about in time...so I walk back to the Bus terminal after saying BYE, it's funny when Aunty Ann say -'Rod, to be continue!'...I didn't see Aunty Diding but manage to waves hand to them in the car. I saw Aunty diding figure at the front seat of Ian's car...

i took a bus and Sms Uncle Clay what happening...and didn't received any reply as expected....so I went back to UTM alone with anger, I was angry because I did all the mess. On the way i SMS my lady ^Tina ^ but it's end up after i said I was tired and wanted to sleep in the bus but later we will chat again.....I took money at Taman U, and buy facial foam as I began to develope some big acnes on my face. I took taxi going back to campus....damn he charge me RM 6 (usually RM5) and use the rising price of petrol as a reason after listen that I rise my voice to him. I asked him to stopped me at the FAB bus Station, and i pay rm5 because i didn' reach fully to my college.....

Later at night I went to MICT to online, I read Aunty Flocy Blog...She wrote that they were having party on the sateurday night at Uncle Clay house.....So I made another mistakes because actually Aunty Ann was there that night to attend Uncle Clay's house warming and also to welcoming Aunty Diding....huh!!! it's my fault....i hated this....but why Uncle Clay didn't mention to us when he took me, Lance and Louise back...any way it is not about....money lending or depth.....damn....I left the unfortunate, a mistake, stupid weekend with a deep sleep last night....so I learned not to make my own inference and have to confirm everything properly at the first place. ......God I pray to you lord so I cant solve such problem next time....